Just let go already

I originally planned to use today’s blog to explain why I won’t share any photographs of my baby online. Why? I guess because I feel strongly about consent and privacy of minors, among other things. So I spent an hour writing out my point-of-view…

Then, I heard a Fatherly voice say, “who cares?” Well, hello, I care! I want people to know that I’ve done all this thinking, my ideas are supported by evidence and maybe I’d even convince someone to agree with me.

“Again, who cares?” Well, some people might think that I’m weird for taking this stance and I think they’re weird for not agreeing. “You have your reasons, you don’t need to be validated…and by the way, your critical tone is not necessary.”

…okay, fine. If you know me, you know I like to do my research and when I make a case, I will often refer to supporting evidence. Not that I enjoy arguing but I do like to make my point the clear winner. *Does that mean I like arguing?*

Proverbs 10:19 (NLT)
Too much talk leads to sin.
    Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

My love for psychology, understanding people and our behavior, drives me but, it’s also inflated my defense of my own thoughts. I get to say I’m right because I determined I was right because these things that I’m interested totally endorse my being right.

“Ahh, how annoying.” Yea, that’s God calling me annoying, we’re close like that. When I take myself too seriously, He reminds me to laugh…AT myself. Loosen up.

Well, He knows that I have it set in my mind that I should be doing this prestigious world-changing work. Part of me totally doesn’t let my other parts live because I should be conducting significant research and pioneering the development a new field of psychology…or something like that.

Honestly, it gets in the way of enjoying life because this grandiose side of me is constantly putting the slow-paced learning side of me down. Because I also take pleasure in arts and crafts, cooking, and exploring nature. And the all-knowing control freak inside of me finds these activities meaningless. But the soft creative inside of me finds peace in these things.

It’s good to have big dreams, to hold yourself to high standards, but at what point are you letting the pressure bully you? Sure, the pressure can be good because it drives you and that’s what gets things done. But, do we ever stop to think if the pressure is warranted?

Now, understand I’m not suggesting that no pressure and low standards are the way to go. Please, people have this thing about being spoiled for merely existing and that’s not at all what I’m saying. This is where I fight to stay on topic, because this psychobehavioral plague must end.

The other day, I was cooking for my family and I said “What a shame, God gave me all these brains when I truly enjoy being a homemaker.”

Ooooh! Is the enemy using me against myself?

What I do find important is to do the things you’re capable of doing now. Those jobs, hobbies, studies, that will grow you in your current stage of life. I’m still finishing my Bachelor’s, which will be complete early December–THANK GOD! And then I have to go into deep meditation mode to practice for my all natural home-birth–BE WITH ME GOD!

I’ve been fantasizing about making Christmas cards, setting up baby’s living quarters, organizing my paint supplies, and learning new recipes. I cannot ignore the fact that these simple things have been getting me through. Quite homemaker 🙂

Proverbs 24:14 (NLT)
“In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul.
    If you find it, you will have a bright future,
    and your hopes will not be cut short.”

What I love about having been raised by my grandparents is that I have spent my whole life with older adults. And when I was away for college, I was able to form deep relationships with professors and customers because adults did not scare me. [Older] Adults were never my enemies, they were the people who shared wisdom, mentored me, and tried to teach me lessons.

Job 12:12 (NLT)
Wisdom belongs to the aged,
    and understanding to the old.

My experiences and love for those who have gone before me have molded an internal appreciation for traditionalism. I love tradition, I love culture (historical culture), I love family structures, I love the church, I even love gender roles (I can’t wait to write about this)! But…

Being from the youthful “future,” I’ve thought about how I was going to revolutionize the revolutionizing world. I must fight as a Latin woman born unto a teenage mother, I must really stick it to them and show them that I’m not a statistic. I am not following the herd. “Must break the mold that my oppressors forced me in.” Which is totally ironic, confusing and infuriating given that radical liberalism oppresses my conservatism. “You haven’t lived a quarter century, and you might have some good ideas, but really… Who declared you a philosophical champion?”

In any case, the motives for such a goal are not even pure. They don’t come from the heart, they come from a place of darkness, from a place of anger and not love. My love is in things poetic, motherly, crafty, etc. The old mold asked me to put off being a woman, so I could become a scholar. Ha, irony. Pregnancy really did a timely switcheroo on me.

Well, actually, God broke that mold when I came to Him. The mold of oppression is thinking you are oppressed, that’s the whole point. With God for me, nothing is against me. Not even the tech-dependent, politically-confused of my generation who want to shut people like me up.

Romans 8:31
“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us,who can be against us?”

What needed to be severed were the marionette strings of my old life. Even if those were threads of good high-achieving dreams.

“Just let go. Get over this big conception of yourself, that may not even be aligned with who you are. Especially with who you are now that you’ve come to Me.”

Maybe, I will write “academic” non-fiction one day. And I still like that idea. But maybe, I will never write anything, maybe my place is just to enjoy the works of others. To live out my philosophy through my actions instead of through big words. Maybe I will craft things and write simpler things one day. And I like that idea. I’m allowed to be “intellectual” (for whatever that word is worth) and I’m allowed to be tender.

I’m letting go, I am going with God’s flow and if I never match up to my old academic potential, so-be-it. I find peace being hands-on in other corners of the world. I will always enjoy reading and writing but today I rebuke the annoying, unwarranted pressure. No need for explanation.

Even though this world only knows argument, I don’t have to prove myself with rhetoric. What I will be working on is creating a godly lifestyle, one that is centered on my values of tradition and family, and maintaining my identity in Christ. I think the blessings will be better supporting evidence, anyway.

Proverbs 11:30 (NKJV)
The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life,
And he who wins souls is wise.

With love,
Mama X

 

2 thoughts on “Just let go already

  1. Amen! I can so relate to this post. I too am reluctant to share kid pictures on line. Privacy, protection, dignity for them I suppose,and then there are strangers on line I don’t wish to expose them to. Homemaking is such a valuable contribution to the world. You’re a chemist in the kitchen, a psychologist with the kids (and the men,) a world shaper who is actively building the culture. Don’t let the enemy poke at you, he is just full of coconut candy. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There are more reasons not to post child photos online than to.
      For whatever reason, we have learned to devalue classical lifestyle choices and I’m tired of beating myself up about where I stand today. Ahh, what a relief it is to just drop the need for worldly greatness and be where God put us.
      We don’t need any coconut candy over here 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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